Pass the Turkey - Hold the Stress, Please

There are now less then 24 hours until Thanksgiving Day, and hopefully your stress levels are still within normal range. Unless, that is, your normal range is over-stressed anyway. If your family is like the rest of ours, and not exactly up to Rockwell standards, then you are probably already stressing over tomorrow's Thanksgiving Day scene. But stop -- there are things you can do to lower your stress and actually enjoy the holiday with your family.

• Do not expect perfection. The day does not have to be perfect, and most likely will not be.

Many people feel extreme pressure to present the perfect holiday to their family. Television commercials and glossy magazine ads would have us believe that the perfect Thanksgiving dinner is attainable with enough decorations and smiles. But it's really okay if the napkin rings do not match the centerpiece, or if you don't even have a centerpiece (and who really uses napkins rings anyway?). The point of the holiday is to spend time with family, not turn your home into a Southern Living photo shoot.

• Have a plan in place for difficult relatives.

You can almost guarantee that Aunt Edna will make a veiled attack on your yams, and your cousin Susan will likely reveal way too much about her current boyfriend. These things are as much of a holiday tradition as the pulling of the wishbone, so get ready. For those fairly innocent yet annoying issues, simply think of a response that will diffuse the situation so you can move on quickly. For Aunt Edna, perhaps saying "I hope you like the dish, I try my best. Maybe you have some tips for me that will improve it even more", will stop the passive aggressiveness.

If more serious issues are expected to arise, such as a relative who is verbally abusive, set the expectation with that relative before the big day that absolutely no aggression will be tolerated. By telling that person that you will be forced to leave the celebration, or that they will have to leave, you are letting them know there are consequences to their actions. The outcome may be that they leave the anger at the door this year. If that doesn't happen, and things get out of control, it is in the best interest of your family to remove that person or yourself from the situation and seek professional family counseling. The worst thing you can do is ignore the problem and suffer through the stress of it year after year.

So if you're facing the minimal conflicts that come along with simple personality clashes, just take a deep breath and roll with it. Family quirks are what they are and should not be reason to ruin the holiday. But if you are facing serious issues that affect the entire family, consider seeking professional assistance. The Partnership for Families, Children and Adults offers individual and family counseling to work through the issues of depression, anxiety, stress, anger and many other mental health issues that often debilitate a family. Visit www.partnershipfca.com or call (423) 755-2822 for more information and assistance.

So pass the turkey, hold the stress and have a Happy Thanksgiving.