Caring for Elderly Family Members at the Holidays

The holidays just wouldn't be the same without grandma's pecan pie and grandpa telling old family stories before the holiday dinner. Or maybe you have a great aunt who completely "runs the show" and the family wouldn't even know how to set the table without her instruction. So what do you do when these beloved family members, because of age, are no longer able to carry out these time-honored family traditions?

It can be difficult to handle the reality of an aging family member during the holidays. Suddenly those holiday traditions you've carried out your entire life seem at risk. You may even be facing depression, stress and anxiety from both yourself and your elderly family member at the thought of changing your holiday traditions. What do you do?

First, remember that all families go through this at some point. Change is inevitable. It's just a matter of how you handle it.

• Talk to your elderly family member about sharing the responsibility, or passing the responsibility, of carrying out the tradition.
• Include other family members in the discussion so you are not taking on all the responsibility, which means all the stress as well. You may gain a fresh perspective by including siblings, cousins or other family members.
• Consider the possibility that you may have to change the tradition altogether and be prepared to consider new family traditions to take the place of old ones. This can be a way to honor your elderly family member by remember together as a family all the fond memories you've had. Make sure to again include other family members in considering new traditions.

If your elderly family member has passed away, make sure to take time to honor that family member. Consider a moment of silence, a prayer or other gesture of respect that fits in with your family's values. Share stories, pictures and talk about that family member. If yourself or others are experiencing extreme grief, consider talking to a professional counselor for help. Loss and grief can be magnified during the holidays and may affect your relationships with family and friends.

If your elderly family member is in assisted living and not able to attend traditional family gatherings, make sure to take the family to that person. Pay a special visit to make sure they feel included in the celebrations.

Need more advice or referrals to local services? Call the Partnership's Elderly Services at (423) 755-2822 for help.